Fearless Lifestyle Culture

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Meaning of Friendship}

Before I write about my topic I have to take few minutes to explain why I started this blog. Truly is not because I love writing, God knows that’s not my strongest suit. I started this blog in obedience to God’s word for me to write about my life and experiences, nothing fancy, nothing big but real, honest and from the heart.

Throughout the few years I have had this blog, I tried several variations of what and when I post but in the end what works for me at this time in my life is posting on Friday. Usually I post about a topic relevant to my life during the week. Although coming up with a topic is hard at times, more times than not they don’t percolate in my brain until I stand in front of my computer on Thursday night. What I do know is that I can always tell what was going in my life when I look back at my post. I’m sure this is going to be one of those to remember because it deals with matters of the heart and true friendship.

Two days ago I received an email from someone that I have been friends with on and off for 5 years. Upfront I have to say that it has been more off than on and I think in part it has to do with our different views of friendship. Now since we are talking about someone from the opposite sex, I know that what we girls call a friend and what the guys call a friend might have different variations.

To make my point, I asked Google for the meaning of friendship. Let me share few with you.

-A best friend is someone that makes you laugh even though you think you’ll never smile again.

-A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.

-Friendship isn’t about whom you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you and proved it.”

The one I selected for my post talks about “Respect and Trust.” In my opinion two core issues in a friendship.

-Definition of friendship is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble. –Stieg Larson

So after many years of back and forth, I have to make a decision if this person is a real friend or not and if I want to invest any more of my time in the friendship. It’s a hard decision to make especially when you love the person and you are fond of them, however looking at the definition above is hard to make a relationship or friendship work without respect and trust.

I know we all make mistakes and a sincere and honest “I’m sorry I failed” can work but when the same I’m sorry is repeated over and over again, where do you draw the line? It was then that I was reminded about two verses in Matthew 18:21-22 when Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? And Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven, but seventy-seven times.”

It was then that I was reminded of my own inadequacies and my failings. I’m not saying that we should continue to allow people in our life that we cannot trust or respect, what I’m saying is to give yourselves the latitude to spiritually and emotionally seek God and received His words and to make sure you can translate the person’s words from a place of forgiveness, love and peace.

I’m still praying and waiting to hear from God but at peace knowing that His promises and His words never fail.

Where do you go when you have to make those tough decisions about the friends in your life?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Disruption – Sermon Notes TD Jakes}

I had to share: Amazing sermon by Bishop TD Jakes based on the blind man that was healed and applicable to many of us searching for the truth and the light! Ref: Luke 18:34-39/Mark 10:52.

Powerful and eye opening! Not writing a lot, sharing some notes to get you started but let me say that it starts with disruption.

 

--Disruption can be described as a change of normal or status quo.

--People develop a system (coping mechanism) that accommodates their dysfunctions (things that don’t work in their lives) and it becomes the new normal.

--Siting in systems we have created to camouflage the changes we have not gotten.

--The systems we make, the scams we run, the tricks we play to hide what is not working in our lives; things that are getting us by but are not taking us over.

--For some people success is not success, survival has become their success and they don’t even realize that they have settled.

--Is not until light comes into our lives that we realize we have been sitting in darkness.

--Light after you have been in darkness can hurt until you get used to the new normal.

--In this story, the blind man had to use everything that he had (hearing and voice) against everything that he didn’t have (sight) to remind us that God never uses what we lost; He uses what we have left.

Punch line: The most disrupting thing was not that the blind man got healed but the consequences of getting his sight. He had built a whole world being blind (coping mechanisms) and now that he could see he had to make some choices about the people and circumstances that surrounded him. The test was not getting healed; the test was what he was going to do once he was healed. You cannot tell who people are in the dark but when people have choices then you can see how they really are. So Jesus tells him, now that I opened your eyes I want to see what you are made of. In Mark 10:52 Jesus said: "Go, your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." In essence God healed him so He could see him (see what he was made of!)

In closing:  Are we willing to disrupt our own comfort and old patterns of behaviors and face our own fears so we don't miss out on everything God has in store for us. Now that our eyes are open, what fruit are we going to produced? We can understand people’s choices when they are disadvantaged but what happens when you have choices, will you still act like you are a blind person (in the dark) and forget what brought you light?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Volunteering in Skid Row LA}

Last Saturday, my grandson Gabriel (14) and I volunteered with the Dream Center in one of the largest homeless area in the nation. Skid Row in Los Angeles has an average of 3,000 to 6,000 homeless people a day with an average of 1,200 beds to accommodate them daily leaving 3,000 to 4,000 to sleep in the streets every night.

Skid row or skid road is known as an impoverished area, typically urban, inhabited by the poor, the homeless, or others considered disreputable or forgotten by society. A skid row may be anything from an impoverished urban district to a red-light district to a gathering area for the homeless. In general skid row areas are inhabited or frequented by individuals marginalized by poverty or through drug addiction.

I want to talk more about my experience rather than the area but thought it was important to provide some reference to the area to set the stage before sharing. I traveled the night before from San Diego to LA to be at the Dream Center at 8:45am on Saturday. The Dream Center Adopt-A-Block program started with praise and worship followed by a group rally. At 10:15am we were divided into our respective groups by ministries and areas. We had someone from the Dream Center drive a van with 8 more volunteers and we also had 40 football players from a private high school meet us at Skid Row.

The young lady leading the team (Jenna) divided us in two groups. One group took few blocks on one side and the other group the other few blocks on the other side. We had a simple task: to love and pray for the homeless people in the area. The Dream Center divided amongst all the volunteers bags with energy drinks, wipes, toiletries and other items. Prior to heading out we huddled in prayer and she remind us to look people in the eyes when talking to them, smile, shake hands and offer our love and prayers. She warned us that some might not want us there but most did.

With us were 5 other staff members from the Dream Center that visit this area 4-6 days a week. That’s their ministry! We had one young man from Europe that literally knew most of the homeless by name. He had been visiting Skid Row for the last 8 months. It was such a blessing to see how he approached each one of them and how he showed them so much love and respect even in their dire circumstances.

I have to start by saying that it was very hot on Saturday, close to 84 degrees no breeze, high humidity and for most part no shade. I don’t even have to mention that the smell of urine and trash permeated the area but this is the area many homeless call home.

We got to meet George an elderly man that had turned 79 few weeks early. He is known as a grandpa figure in the area. That man had the most amazing disposition. Wheelchair bound and homeless, he took the time to lift up the younger homeless people especially the children. Getting to know him and talk to him brought a sense of purpose back into my life.

I got to talk to a woman that went by the name of “Humorous,” I’m almost positive it was a made up name but nonetheless I took the time to listen to her share her story and she allowed me to pray for her.

I met a group playing dominoes in the park and they walked me through each play. One of the ladies told me that her granddaughter was thinking about applying for college in San Diego.

I saw one man grilling on the street and thought he was cooking for the other homeless people. When I approached him to ask, he literally came un-hinged. Basically he told me to go away with our handouts. Another man sitting next to him took the time to ask me if I was with the volunteers from the Dream Center and told the other guy to chill out. I can see how he felt we were providing handouts and not really solving the problem.

Another man shared with us that his wife is on dialysis and because of the expenses they had to sell almost everything and move to a cheaper apartment. He was so excited to see us praying and sharing God’s love with everyone.

After walking the area for about two hours, we met in a designated location and shared some stories of our experience volunteering. One young man shared that he met a man that had retired from the military and that moved to LA to be close to his son that was playing football at UCLA. Few of the high football players shared how they lost their fear of approaching some of the homeless to pray for them.

Needless to say, it was an eye opening experience! I was encouraged to see that although circumstances are extreme many of them had a positive disposition. We saw a group dancing to some old hip-hop songs and some members of our group joined in. I came out realizing that many people living in the US are one pay check away from being homeless. No, they didn’t plan on being homeless nor did they expect to be living from the generosity and goodwill of people like you and me.

To close, I encourage you to do small acts of giving and kindness. One thing they kept asking for was soap & shampoo. I know many of you visit hotels, on your way out take what you don’t use and drop it by a homeless shelter in your area. It’s a small gesture but it makes a huge difference to them.

What small act of kindness can you do to help the less fortunate?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Technologically Challenged}

What do you do when you are not up-to-date with your electronic gadgets? You have a 14 yr. old grandson tell you what you need and why. Well, not really but it’s a start!

Having my grandson visiting for the summer has been a lesson in entertaining, event planning, gourmet cooking, outdoor decorating with lots of lights and learning the latest in apps, music and iPhone terminology.

Today I upgraded my iPhone 4G (which I loved by the way but it's almost on its last leg) to an iPhone 5SE so I could give my grandson my old phone as a practice phone, except it took me forever to get the new phone restored to my old backup and to reset the 4G for him to use. It took me at least 3 hrs to get everything done with the assistance of Apple help services and from my super technologically advanced grandson. To be really honest, I’m a little bit of a closet gadget person but having to upgrade two iPhones in different computers and different versions was not easy plus I didn’t want to delete all my stuff from the old phone. Too many moving parts in a short amount of time!

So to make a long story short, now I have a new phone with the latest technology and my grandson has a 4G with upgraded software (still too old of a model for him, although I really don’t care because I’m paying for it) and I feel like my head is about to explode. Now, I’m determined to learn more about iPhones and new technology so I don’t have to struggle so much but more importantly so I don’t let a 14 yr tell me that I’m not cool enough. It’s OK because he couldn’t figure out how to download some of his free apps without putting a credit card number. Yeah, I got this!

Lesson learned, if you are going to have your teenager grandkids come and visit for the summer be sure to get a little of new technology knowledge under your belt! Teach them you are not too old, no really!

What new technology tricks am I going to learn next?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {No Judgement!}

On Tuesday I was driving with my grandson to do few errands. He is visiting for the summer and has been with me for two weeks now. The last few weeks have been challenging between both of us. He is 14 going on 28 if you know what I mean.

The big topic of discussion has been having an iPhone and we told him he could get a phone (didn’t specify what type/model) if he did well in 8^th grade. Well he passed but it was a struggle, however since he passed we figured we’ll get him a “practice phone”, an iPhone 4. Obviously that was not good enough for him so he got an attitude that wouldn’t stop for days so I had no choice but to take the iPhone 4 away. I understand that a teenage kid is going to fight for what he wants or even thinks he deserves but there was not even a hint of gratitude. To make a long story short after few days he apologized although his quest to upgrade his phone hasn’t stop, his sense of entitlement has diminished.

Ok back to the story, so I’m driving around with him and his iPhone 4 and noticed him shaking his head. I asked what was going on and he said that one of his friends was going through a tough time. One of her friends told her that she shouldn’t be wearing a two piece bathing suit because only skinny people can wear them and she was not. My grandson told me he sent her a text and told her not to listen to what other people were saying and that she was beautiful the way she was and to not let anybody put her down.

After our talk we discussed why people tend to judge each other, how hard we are with each other and what makes people think they have the right to give their unsolicited opinions. I was surprised to hear about his concern for the young lady and his thought about why the other girl felt it was acceptable to make that derogatory comment but more importantly was listening to his thought about why people judge one another.

Although his sense of entitlement towards that new shinny iPhone hasn’t stop, is now to a lesser degree and with a little more gratitude thrown in there, meantime his concern for people has increased and his understanding of not judging others has been very palpable in our conversations. Despite the headaches that come from having a teenager that thinks the world revolves around him, it was a great reminder to realize that his sense for people is alive in his heart regardless of race, sex, religion, physical appearance, etc.

What is the one thing you tend to judge in people intentionally or not intentionally? What can you do to do better? Think about having a non-judgmental heart and attitude like my grandson.

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {What a Week!}

I don’t usually get all frazzled about life anymore but don’t get me wrong I still go through a lot of things I just don’t let much get to me. This week however has been one that has tried me.

I’m basically six months out to retirement and working on getting all my paperwork ready plus dusting that old resume and starting to look at my next career. I also told my daughter that I would take care of her 14 year old son for the summer and he arrived this week.

To be able to accommodate my grandson I had to move my house around. Last few years he slept in the sofa but he is too big to fit in the sofa now. With that in mind, I dismantled my entire home office (especially when I need to have more access to my computer and paperwork) to carve a little square of privacy for him out of a small closet. It has been totally non-stop with a super moody and dare I say entitled teenager. I have more to say on this subject but will wait until next week when I have more juicy stories to tell.

In the meantime, I will continue to teach my grandson a lesson every day especially about gratitude.

What new lessons are you guys learning every day?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Definition of Fear-less!}

I have been writing this Friday blog for a while now and thought that I might want to give the definition of “fear-less.” You might ask, why now? Great question!

Yesterday I had an appointment with my esthetician, I have been seeing her for 5 years but she was not available so I was assigned to one of her assistants. At first I was bummed, don’t get me wrong all her assistants are amazing but I like my girl. In any case, I agreed to the appointment mainly because I made the appointment at the last minute and well let’s be honest I was in dire need of her services. The young lady that was taking care of me is super sweet and as the appointment progressed we were discussing more than just the beautiful weather in San Diego.

Being a bit older, OK maybe I should say wiser and mature (my 55^th B-Day was yesterday) I opted to ask more direct questions, you know the ones with substance about life. She was totally onboard and she opened up about some of her fears. I loved her sincerity and willingness to share her struggles with certain fears.

As I listened to her share her story of the paralyzing fears that disturb her; I knew in my heart that it was not a coincidence that my appointment ended up being with her and not my regular person. I asked if I could share with her some of my story and what brought me to start this blog. Being that we are both Christians, I reminded her that the words “fear not” appears many times in the bible (at least 100+ times) although not as many as 365 times as circulated in some social media circles.

With that background story in mind and according to the dictionary, let me share the meaning of fear-less: "a fearless defender of freedom”; fearless warrior. Synonyms include: bold, brave, courage, intrepid, valiant, valorous, gallant, lionhearted, heroic, daring, audacious, indomitable, doughty, unafraid, undaunted, unflinching, gusty, spunky, ballsy, feisty, Skookum (a person or animal, strong, brave, or impressive).

More than anything else the words “"a fearless defender of freedom & fearless warrior” hit close to home. Many have seen an acronym used to explain FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real. Fears are thoughts in our mind that makes us believe things that are not. As a believer, fear intends to keep us from fulfilling the destiny God has on our life, from living a joyful life and spirit filled life overflowing with God’s love. It will keep us awake with nightmares and unable to overcome past emotional and physical wounds.

To conclude: I want to remind you of two amazing scriptures in the bible that I believe will help you to overcome fear. If you are living with fear in your life write these down, memorize them and speak them out loud. I believe God hears your prayers and I know He answers prayers. If you continue to have paralyzing fears or disturbing nightmares, seek help with a counselor or church pastoral care. God wants you to be free not bound in fear.

Write, memorize and speak!

1) “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7,

2) “Fear not, for I am with you” Isaiah 41:10

Do not be afraid!

~Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Prayer for Alton Sterling and Philando Castile}

I cannot take credit for the write-up I’m sharing below; it was posted on FB by Pastor Kim Pothier. I couldn’t have expressed any better than she did the feeling of hurt, sorrow, sadness and shock that I’m feeling right now about the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. I’m mourning the loss of these two young men.

To echo Pastor Kim’s words, we cannot go on pretending that what is happening to black families and friends it’s OK. Let’s be part of the voice that asks for truth and to raise awareness of the level of wrong doing in many of these cases. Let’s be a Nation that fights for the rights of ALL our brothers and sisters regardless of color, race, gender and age.

Let’s not be fearful to fight for justice. Remember, United We Stand!

Fearless Frances

Post belong is taken from Pastor Kim Pothier's FB page.

I have always been the type of person who tries to see "both" sides. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt in all situations. I have always tried to be the bridge between all races. I have fasted and prayed for peace.

But today, I watched two horrifying videos that nobody should ever have to see. I watched them over and over and cried and cried. I wept knowing two fathers, two sons, two American citizens lost their lives so brutally. I wept knowing their families have to see these videos over and over again. I wept that a four year old had to witness this while her mom showed strength. I wept knowing a fifteen year old and his siblings no longer had a father. I wept. I know the "whole" story wasn't shown in those videos... Maybe we don't have all the facts, but enough was shown. And NOBODY deserves the horrific way they died.

We can't remain silent any longer. So for all my black friends and family, know that I think you matter. Know that I realize how many years your voices have been hushed while mine has not been. Know that I know I enjoy freedoms you do not. And know that it breaks my heart for all this to be so.

I'm sorry for white people who seem to go on about their lives and act like they don't care that you are hurting. I am sorry that people can act shocked at the fact that things like this affect you daily and don't care, and the fact that even those that do try to care, can't fully understand or comprehend your world.

And for all my white friends, Today is a day to be selfless, to cry and listen to our brothers and sisters who are hurting, to listen without trying to give our own thoughts of why this happened, or even try to defend ourselves.

My family is heartbroken over these two events. We cry with you. We mourn with you. We fight with you. We pray for you!

 I mourn with you today and hope, pray, believe for and am ready and willing to work with you. We are family!!! WE LOVE YOU!!

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Un-Hiding!}

Has God ever given you a vision or a dream for your life and you know, that you know that it is for real? First, I'm one of those people that has been blessed with the gift of dreams and visions but most importantly, I have been blessed with the gift of understanding God's words and promises for my life.

One day I saw this vision of a book with the words {Un-Hiding} in the front cover and a curtain covering a pair of shoes. I was intrigued so I set myself in prayer asking what it meant. Much to my surprise the word that I received from God was that this was a book, my book. I laughed as writing is not my thing! I know you are probably thinking why then are you writing this blog? Because I was told to do so and I believe it's part of my training ground.

I have kept that vision hidden for a while and last night I shared it with my church Connect group so I figured today might be a good day to share it with others. What will I write, when will the book come out, what lessons will I share? I don't know but one thing that I'm certain is that whatever it is, it will show God's grace and favor in my life.

Has God given you a dream that you are still hiding in the closet of your heart and mind? Is it time to come out?

Fearless Frances

 

Fearless Friday Post ~ {Aha Moment!}

Stuck! That’s the way I have felt for a while. I make a little bit of progress and then I’m stuck again but today I had an “Aha” moment.

I’m sure you have heard me say before that I used to be a recovering Type "A" person but one of my friends told me there is no such thing instead they say I'm now a Type "B+." I had been in the wilderness of busyness, people pleasing and producing instead of just being present. After raising two children as a single parent, putting myself through college, building successful businesses, and obtaining a decent level of professional and personal achievement, my life came crashing down 5 yrs ago at the age of 50.

I felt totally lost, hurt, displaced, and fearful, you name it I felt it. All those fears and thoughts of not being “good enough” that I fought when I was growing up came back again with a vengeance. This time because someone that I loved and trusted lied, cheated and deceived me in a very painful way.

It has been almost five years since my life was turned upside down. I have made a lot of progress especially in my walk with God and my spiritual well-being, physically and mentally but the fierce dreamer and business junkie that I used to be remained hidden and dormant for all those years.

But today I had an “aha” moment! Yes, one of those that reminded me of the love I have for business ventures and living life to the max. I was listening to Kate Northrup, author of the book Money, A Love Story and she said that when you get super clear on what you value, you purposely shift your time, energy and resources to set your thoughts and your life in that direction and something clicked. So without too much ado, I started to contact people to revive my dreams and ideas of creating new ventures and expanding my horizons one more time. I decided it was time for me to stop playing small and start truly living fearlessly in all areas of my life.

What part of your life are you still holding back from fear?

Fearless Frances